Ive not been forsaken

But inside I really feel dead

My faith has gone down

The drain of despair

And I wonder

If Ill ever get back there again

You’ve engraved me

In the palms of your hands

But all I feel is

Whirlwinds around me

Help me to see

That you are still here

That you care as you did

When these same winds

Engulfed my young life

Please breathe on me again

That I might once more

Have hope.

(I wrote this a couple of years ago when I was deep in the heart of the wasteland. I felt lost and alone but He was faithful and has given me hope again.)

*Abraham Lincoln, former president of the United States, lived with clinical depression
*Albert Einstein, scientist, lived with bipolar disorder
*Ludwig Van Beethoven, composer, lived with bipolar disorder
*Virginia Woolf, author, lived with bipolar disorder
*Vincent Van Gogh , artist, lived with bipolar disorder
*Lionel Aldridge, athlete, lived with schizophrenia

As a christian living with mental illness, I think the stigmatization is even harder to get rid of. People expect you to pray away the depression, get “delivered” of other personalities, not need to take medication, etc etc. What then happens for the one living with mental illness is either 1) they end up getting worse or in the hospital because they stop taking the medicine they need, and/or 2) they end up in more despair than they were before because they can’t meet the “expectations” that other people put on them.
Being a christian living with mental illness can be a very lonely place. You start thinking “If I only had more faith” or “Im not good enough” or “God has given up on me”. Even though those thoughts are not true its hard to stop believing them when some people around you reinforce those thoughts by their reactions to you.
Ok time for a reality check,- If your a christian living with mental illness, then know that God hasn’t given up on you. He says it in His word over and over that He will not leave or forsake you. Believe me when I say that He knows all that you are going through. He sees the dark times that you are struggling to walk through and He is crying along with you, and cheering when you make steps.
If your a christian who has friends or family members living with mental illness then don’t give up on them and don’t give up on yourself. Your words of encouragement may seem to fall on deaf ears but trust me they are going into hearts and taking root. Keep speaking them! Let your friend cry when they need to, laugh when they can, and talk if they are able. Just knowing that you are there will make a difference. If you don’t understand their illness try to read up on it (NAMI is a good place to look).

Held you tight
For a while
You kept me strong,
Believing
There was something
Out there for me

But every time
It was in my reach
It quickly flew away.
If you would only come back
And put the pieces together
I could rise
From this pit I'm in
And shake off the cloud
That hangs over my head.

I dropped my sword somewhere
And the fears overtake me.
Where is my Knight
To bring you back to me
And send the fears
Running again.

Self portrait collage

Mask

I was looking through my old sketch books and came across this drawing with the poem attached. Even as a young child I embraced this poem because I understood exactly what he was saying. As an adult I had to unlearn the art of wearing a mask, in fact I’m still unlearning it. Why is it that people feel so much safer pretending life is grand, then go home and cry alone. Most people have very few friends whom they can truly be their self with whether its laughing, crying or having a panic attack. Those friends are the ones I appreciate the most.